You probably think this post is about you!
Do you get upset by things people say to you?
Think about a blunt comment made by a friend or colleague which has put your nose out of joint. You are upset because when you think about the comment, you are thinking only about yourself and your circumstances. It is possible however that the other person is actually too interested in themselves to think of ways to deliberately upset you!
It's not an event or a remark that makes you unhappy, It's the way you choose to interpret it. You make yourself upset.
Getting upset by external factors - other people, the weather, the establishment - is a choice made by people who irrationally give their importance to others too much weight. This leaves them stuck in a way of thinking that puts responsibility for their happiness in the hands of others. If this post IS about you, you could be making yourself unhappy.
You may think that not getting upset this lets offensive people off the hook - so let's re-frame. Instead of blaming others for our unhappiness let's get rid of irrational self talk and investigate how we were were able to make ourselves so unhappy about someone else's actions.
Look out for and identitfy trigger issues, notice the feelings you get and the thoughts running through your mind:
- What really made you unhappy?
- What are you telling yourself?
- What questions are you asking yourself?
Now is the time to decide to take a positive step and change it round.
Think now about these questions: How do you feel if...
you don't get an invitation to a party you were hoping for?
- Do you feel that you were deliberated excluded from the party, or do you think that perhaps there were limited numbers?
your report or suggestion isn't accepted without criticism?
- Do you feel despondent that you aren't valued, or do you focus on the parts of your report that were accepted and see an opportunity to improve the rest?
you get splashed by a passing car driving through a puddle?
- Do you feel targetted, or do you assume that some car drivers are careless?
it rains when you were planning a BBQ?
- Do you say, "The weather always does this to me!", or do you think that the chance of rain is just a part of living in Britain?
Because you don't get a perfect response or outcome does not mean you shouldn't bother or that the world is against you. Look for a positive; surround yourself with people who care about you and share your values. Assume that there is a positive reason behind all behaviour and forgive yourself and others for not being perfect.
Think about a blunt comment made by a friend or colleague which has put your nose out of joint. You are upset because when you think about the comment, you are thinking only about yourself and your circumstances. It is possible however that the other person is actually too interested in themselves to think of ways to deliberately upset you!
It's not an event or a remark that makes you unhappy, It's the way you choose to interpret it. You make yourself upset.
Getting upset by external factors - other people, the weather, the establishment - is a choice made by people who irrationally give their importance to others too much weight. This leaves them stuck in a way of thinking that puts responsibility for their happiness in the hands of others. If this post IS about you, you could be making yourself unhappy.
You may think that not getting upset this lets offensive people off the hook - so let's re-frame. Instead of blaming others for our unhappiness let's get rid of irrational self talk and investigate how we were were able to make ourselves so unhappy about someone else's actions.
Look out for and identitfy trigger issues, notice the feelings you get and the thoughts running through your mind:
- What really made you unhappy?
- What are you telling yourself?
- What questions are you asking yourself?
Now is the time to decide to take a positive step and change it round.
Think now about these questions: How do you feel if...
you don't get an invitation to a party you were hoping for?
- Do you feel that you were deliberated excluded from the party, or do you think that perhaps there were limited numbers?
your report or suggestion isn't accepted without criticism?
- Do you feel despondent that you aren't valued, or do you focus on the parts of your report that were accepted and see an opportunity to improve the rest?
you get splashed by a passing car driving through a puddle?
- Do you feel targetted, or do you assume that some car drivers are careless?
it rains when you were planning a BBQ?
- Do you say, "The weather always does this to me!", or do you think that the chance of rain is just a part of living in Britain?
Because you don't get a perfect response or outcome does not mean you shouldn't bother or that the world is against you. Look for a positive; surround yourself with people who care about you and share your values. Assume that there is a positive reason behind all behaviour and forgive yourself and others for not being perfect.
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