Wild Swans - Tanka (Haiku style poem)

Today's #afewwordsaday #KAFWAD submission

Why not join me? Today's prompts are below. Prompts for the rest of the week are in a separate post just below.

12th September 2015

What do you think of my Tanka poems? It's my first attempt. Can you do better?

Opposite: the King's wife was beautiful on the outside but when he looked at her he was filled with horror.

Irony	overstates how good or bad something is, rest of sentence reveals overstated word to be false. Our 'luxury' room turned out to be a farm building. The 'trip of our dreams' was, in fact, our worst nightmare.
Tanka	5-7-5-7-7 last two lines change pace or tone

The Six Swans

The king had six sons

His wife turned them into swans

Their sister saved them

She knitted shirts from nettles

and turned them back into men

So this one doesn’t change the tone or pace, let’s try again with a bit more help from Alan Peat's '50 ways to re-tell a story':

I was a sad girl.

My six brothers were now swans.

I had to save them:

For six years I could not speak

And knitted six nettle shirts.

Better – but no irony…

Six boys and one girl.

one step mum and a cruel spell:

Six swans and one girl.

Six years of knitting nettles.

Six brothers back: just one wing.

Hmm, still no irony. Let’s try just part of the story…

A king, lost, no hope.

An old woman can help him

If he weds her girl.

This ‘worthy and pretty’ girl

Filled our king’s heart with horror.

Katharine Harper